On Wednesday I noticed a slight pinkish discharge, that was not accompanied by cramps, but thought it best to call the Dr. anyway. The office was so nice and accommodating. They called my previous dr. and arranged to get my records, they fit me in at 3pm, and had me in an ultrasound by 3:15. I never said that I was overly worried or distressed. They just took care of it like I was an important person.
The ultrasound went well. I am almost 8 weeks nows. There was a heartbeat and everything looked ok. I do not have a bacterial infection so that doesn’t account for the bleeding. I had blood drawn, which went remarkably well to which I attribute the increase in blood in my body. I have another appointment next week to go over the blood work. I am constantly worried about losing the sea-monkey and I am trying my best to use CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) anytime I catch myself dwelling on miscarriage. I imagine in my minds-eye a large glowing pink lotus that houses this tiny creature. The lotus pulses with the beans’ heartbeat. I realize that I have very little control over whether this is successful or not and try my hardest to be in mental place of loving stability.
I feel like shit though. I thought early on I was going to make it though the next month with very few symptoms. But it seems to get a little bit worse everyday. The best way I can explain it is, It is like having a perpetual hangover. I am always a little bit sick, nothing sounds good to eat, and when I do eat something I feel terrible afterward. Last night I thought I wanted Noodle Soup of the Asian variety. So I thought a nice bowl of Udon Noodles would cheer me up, I even thought I might be able to sneak in a bit of vegetables if it was mixed with noodles and broth. The noodles were good, the broth was good, the vegetables didn’t work out, and I ate the bite of crab they include in the soup and I almost lost it. Note to self: no crab. But afterwards, oh dear. I threw up a little in my mouth (i’m sorry, gross but true) and couldn’t get comfortable the entire evening. We watched Hugo, and at 10pm on a Friday night I went to bed.
Today I woke up and had corn chips for breakfast. I was awake for a couple hours and cleaned the kitchen, then had the incredible urge for a nap. I slept for two hours in the middle of the afternoon.
Cravings: Graham Crackers with Nutella, Corn Chips, Asian Noodle Soups