Last night the winds came howling though our town with the force of a thousand horses. The news reports gusts of up to 87 miles per hour. I can say with out a doubt that wind is my least favorite weather phenomena. There is something about the continuous howl, sifting through the cracks in windows, the force of air thrown against a building. It makes me anxious and unsettled. It is the worst at night. It isn’t fear that keeps me awake, but just the feeling of unease. Being pregnant doesn’t help. Last night I was so antsy and uncomfortable I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. This appears to be a pretty common feeling among pregnant women.
I went to the dr. on Monday. She was very excited for me, and confirmed the pregnancy and sent me for an ultrasound. I was not surprised when the typical belly ultrasound wasn’t showing what needed to be shown. Enter “the wand,” if you have been reading the news lately you will know what I am talking about. If not…well look it up. It isn’t pretty. So after being poked and prodded, a black area appeared along with a teeny tiny white dot of flutter. Hello Sea Monkey. They reported back that I am 6 weeks along. Very early, very much not out of the danger zone in any way. 6 weeks, for all of you out there with irregular cycles, dealing with PCOS, this should come to no surprise, but my cycle was off by two weeks what a normal cycle would be. So without an ultrasound it was impossible to judge how far along I was. Which means that by the time we actually conceived this baby, we had already gave up trying. As such, this baby is a fluke.
I am doing pretty well. I only have occasional nausea so far. A kid in class today was eating something, and just looking at it made me go green. I have an aversion to vegetables. Any plant material is enough to turn my stomach. I also am having problems with red meat. Not so much that I get sick, but the thought of eating it makes me slightly queasy. But bread and cheese I can do. I like to eat sourdough toast with butter and a banana. I like grilled cheese sandwiches. All of these things are not on the pcos plan, which is a shame. I am having trouble finding meals that I can stomach that are on the plan. Fruit and chicken….but I am afraid that might get boring. I don’t really know what to do other than just use the old, “I’m pregnant and am going to eat what I please” card.
Tonight is parent teacher-conferences and I don’t think I will be able to make it through. I am sure many of you have come up against this problem, but it is hard to keep this a secret. My co-worker comes in and says, “hey, do you want to go and get coffee before conferences start?” which is our tradition. Um, no…I am not drinking caffeine. “huh? Why?” can I tell you later? Like that isn’t the biggest tip-off of all time. I am so so tired. I am having trouble keeping my eyes open to write this. I slept badly last night because of the wind, and this is so draining. I don’t think I can make it another 2 hours and 15 minutes. I am thinking of pulling the pregnancy card again, and going home early. No one comes to talk to me anyways.
The picture is a view outside my school window and the red dust that has sifted through and onto the window sill.